How To Speak Rapper….

Besides being masters of, or proficient in, or at least kinda decent at rapping, most rappers have become professionals in the art of double speak. With reporters pitching softballs in most interviews, fearing to delve into any topic that might cause the slightest apprehension from an overly sensitive rapper, artists have been given a pass to push more bullshit than should be expected. They may want to form a group and nominate one of their own to run for office. Here’s a little guide I made to help you decipher some of the foolishness coming out of the mouth of your favorite rapper.

Phrase:

Man, I make my music for the street. Only real niggas feel my shit.

Translation:

I’ve been toiling in obscurity for years and noone will buy my crappy mixtapes… but I bet I could kick your ass though.

Phrase:

I’m in love with the money, fuck these bitches.

Translation:

I had my heart broken once and to mask my vulnerability I run around referring to women as bitches and garden tools, hoping to reject them before they further damage my fragile heart with their stinging rejections… boo hoo hoo hoo hoo…

Phrase:

I had money before this rap shit

Translation:

I didn’t have any money before this rap shit.

Phrase:

I ain’t really a rapper.

Translation:

I work like a Hebrew slave, performing at shows nightly, dancing around stage for hordes of white teens, signing autographs at the 28 record stores still in existence and doing interviews for morning shows that start at the butt crack of the day… oh yeah, and I have to record fifty eight mixtapes a year to remain somewhat relevant. Unfortunately, I am a rapper.

Phrase:

I want to thank God for (insert absurd rap award received)

Translation:

I never really took the time to question my beliefs or whether God would approve of the lyrics and behavior which led to this award. However, I am wearing a blood-diamond encrusted chain with the likeness of Jesus on it, so….

Phrase:

I support Occupy Wall Street.

Translation:

In my music, I like to think of myself as the 1% but I really have no understanding of this movement or what is really going on but this free promotion is great!

Nov 02. 2 Notes.
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Notes

  1. definitelyeatinb posted this